hard to know where to start
1987 outside magazine profile of reg mellor, world champion ferret legger [a sport wherein one ties closed his pant legs, inserts two ferrets, cinches his belt shut, and tries to last as long as possible.
Come on, Reg,” I said. “Do they bite your — you know?”
“Do they!” he thundered with irritation as he pulled up his pants. “Why, I had ‘em hangin’ off me —”
Reg stopped short because a woman who was with me, a London television reporter, had entered the cottage. I suddenly feared that I would never know from what the raging ferrets dangle. Reg offered my friend a chair with the considerable gallantry of a man who had served in the Queen’s army for more than 20 years. Then he said to her, “Are ye cheeky, luv?”
My friend looked confused.
“Say yes,” I hissed.
“Yes.”
“Why,” Reg roared again, “I had ‘em hangin’ from me tool for hours an’ hours an’ hours! Two at a time — one on each side. I been swelled up big as that!” Reg pointed to a five-pound can of instant coffee.
I then made the mistake of asking Reg Mellor if his age allowed him the impunity to be the most daring ferret legger in the world.
“And what do ye mean by that?” he said.
“Well, I just thought since you probably aren’t going to have any more children …”
“Are you sayin’ I ain’t pokin’ ‘em no more?” Reg growled with menace. “Is that your meaning? ‘Cause I am pokin’ ‘em for sure.”
